?

Log in

No account? Create an account
chew your charcoal teeth [entries|friends|calendar]
dravenlee

[ website | thirtythree ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Drama, drama, drama [31 Jul 2009|12:46am]

Once upon a time, I might have been in what people call a “happy” marriage. Having been in one, I suppose I’d be more inclined to call it a prison for the soul.

Attached, until death, my spouse was much like a lethal parasite. Teeth embedded in the “independence” section of my brain, he paralysed my thoughts and drained me of the everything there was to feel happy about in life.

The emotionally draining, suffocating we-ness of everything a subtle attempt to become some kind of lifeless unit of sickening mush.

Any strong, independent woman could still find herself trapped in a world of goofy love names and awkward play dates.

 

My spouse didn’t die, but my soul nearly did.

 

In some kind of miraculous awakening, I was revived to become fully aware of what a monstrosity I had become. At 22, in my original plan, I should have completed my university studies and be well on the way to becoming.. something marvellous. To becoming someone powerful, someone I would be proud of. Instead, I was overweight, stuck in some dead end job with no education, and with a husband I couldn’t even respect, let alone love.

 

Naturally most of that was my fault, but how did I become so dead to what I was doing to myself? Lack of self-awareness. A silent killer.

 

Well, no more. Here is my awareness.

anything but ordinary.

[04 Jun 2004|01:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Fuck Him To Fucking Hell.

2 ; anything but ordinary.

[01 Jun 2004|10:16am]
[ mood | lonely ]

I couldn't sleep last night, paranoid that someone was watching through my window. the curtain doesnt block the entire window, and i was trying to change. the gate kept slamming and i cant handle it.
I tried to convince myself that life was good, that i was happy, but it didnt work, and again i was alone at night, wondering why i even bother.
haydon messaged me, he's being really nice, when he's not asking to see my breasts, which is not uncommon, this is what i have become. all i am is another way to veiw porn. delightful idea. Im alone now.
I just want to cut them off. remove them. i can do it. alone.
jansen and i have officially been going out for 2 weeks and 1 day. i told him, he didnt remember. I dont blame him, im not memorable.
well, now im failing vce and i dont even care, im past that now, there's nothing beyond vce for me anyway. I have no proper talent, just mediocre ideas. it scares me, because i will never amount to anything and i need to.

THE ARROW FLIES IN THE BLACK NIGHT, IF THERE IS NOTHING TO DRAW ME TO THE LIGHT; I FALL TO THE VOID...I DROWN.

anything but ordinary.

[27 Apr 2004|02:22pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Hi. Draven here. From now on my posts will be "Friends Only" so if you want to read, cool, just add me.

Ta.

2 ; anything but ordinary.

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]